idk recently i’ve not been too happy and i didn’t really know why until now. the problem with me is that i dwell on the past too much, and constantly look back and think about how things could’ve been now if i were to change something from back then.
i’m still in love with the idea of something that is never going to happen, even if i wanted it to, it couldn’t. it couldn’t because the person you are now is not the person you were back then, and i think the person from back then is the one that i am hooked onto, and they aren’t here anymore.
it feels like you’ve died and don’t exist anymore and i’m so confused, sometimes i don’t even know what to do with myself. but then i realise that i have grown up too, just like you, even though i wish i could go back in time and be that naive girl i used to be, because everything was simpler then. i could tell people anything and hope that they wouldn’t spread it because i just trusted people without having to doubt them.
i’d give anything to be like that again. coping with uni and living alone and responsibilities is getting too much to handle, i want to be younger and have a set routine and my friends back, the ones who i spoke to every day and trusted with my life, it feels like i have nothing now. and i’ve slowly found out things about people that i never thought would be true, people i looked up to before, i can’t now.
i hate feeling alone.